Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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