saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I think I am morally bankrupt
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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