im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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