ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
