so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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