shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Randomize
