I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
