so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
