Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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