Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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