I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
