i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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