I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
