Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Your shirt... Was in my pants
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
