my vag is so smooth its legendary
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
