get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
