i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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