We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
