What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
