Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
