i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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