Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
