I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Randomize