2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
