2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
