just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I want her autograph on my taint
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
