cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
