I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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