I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
