he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
