I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
