I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
