Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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