I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
