A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
