I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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