It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize