I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
