please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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