i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
