Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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