Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Sorry about my life...
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
