I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
