i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
