sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
