i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
