just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
do herpes really smell.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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