Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
