worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
