she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
