Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
