i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
