dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
