My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
