did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Boobs are out for the taking
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
