Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
