I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
