your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
