I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
