Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Who died my cat blue again?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
