I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
