is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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