Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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