Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
