Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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