mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
