Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
