Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize