I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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