I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
