jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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