My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
OPIZZABONMYDICK
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
