five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
