Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
third nipple confirmed
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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