is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
