i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
