Small penises have feelings too.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
