I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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