Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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